Happy Birthday, Hish!
by Odeena Sabnach
Summary: This fanfic is my official present for my friend Hishma's birthday! What's in it, you ask? Well... umm... randomness, pancakes and pretty much every other crazy thing that you could think of. Please R&R! wink
1. Prologue

**Happy birthday, Hish!**

**by Odeena Skywalker**

Chapter 1: Boromir makes a blunder

**[ The story which you are about to read may seem either incredible, out of all proportion or written by a deluded girl who really needs to get a life. If you will say any of the aforementioned, I don't mind. Anyway, you have my word for it that every last word of this is true. And now, without further ado, I shall let you read and judge for yourselves. ]**

**[ That particular day started like any other day in my own private madhouse... ]**

"Get up."

"I don't want to."

"Get up!"

"I don't want to!"

"You'll be late for breakfast."

"I don't care."

"Boromir is making pancakes."

"I don't care."

"sigh (Valar, why me...?) Please...?"

"I don't care... wait, rewind that. Pancakes?"

"...Yes."

"Boromir?"

"Yes."

"...pancaking Boromir?"

"(This is stupid...) Yes."

"Okie-dokie. I'm up."

"(About time!) Okay... I'll be waiting outside for you to change then, and--"

"Oh who cares about _that_? Let's _go_!"

"crash Ow!"

"Sorry..."

**[ ...In case you didn't realise, the conversation above took place between me and - you, you guessed it - Legolas the elf himself (Hey! That rhymed! ). It was the same story every morning, with minor variations of course. The idea, however, was the same: there was nothing - and I mean, _nothing_ in the whole wide world - that could get me out of bed in the mornings save for Boromir's excellent cooking. And that's that. ]**

As usual, I made my way downstairs and into the kitchen, careful not to trip over Gollum, who was apparently doing some sort of twisted Yoga exercising straight in the doorframe. I sat down at the table, took a random cup of coffee, drank it down, and yawned.

"So, what will it be?" Boromir asked, approaching. He was wearing his usual 'King of Cooks' apron (a title that not even Aragorn could dispute) and his even more usual wide and bright (and I dare to add 'sexy') smile.

"Three pancakes, lots of jelly, seven almonds and no peanut butter, thanks", I answered. "And eventually a chainsaw and Paul's head on a silver plate."

"She's in a good mood", Pippin whispered casually to Merry.

Both hobbits were sitting across the table from me and just out of reach. Bummer. I glared daggers at them for a second or two, until they began to flinch and shift in their seats.

As usual, Boromir's pancakes were great, a thing which I thought necessary to mention as soon as I gulped down the first bite.

"Don't talk with your mouth full!" a very offended Arwen interjected.

'Just like my mum', I thought as I stuck my tongue out at her.

"How rude!" Arwen went on. "Don't you have any manners?"

"Nope." I burped twice to emphasize my words. Don't get me wrong - as a matter of fact, I _do_ have manners, but I love to annoy people who annoy me, and Arwen Undomiel is very high on my 'People-who-annoy-me' list.

Boromir gave me the thumbs-up quietly. A moment later however, his center of attention changed radically, and his expression turned to that of a man who had just swallowed a crab. Aragorn (a.k.a. Elessar, Strider, Estel etc.) had entered the room.

"Good morning, good morning... Packed your bags, kid?"

It was obvious that he was talking to me. "Bags...?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Oh no.

Leaving. Cousin. Today.

I chocked.

"I guess I should take that as a no", Aragorn went on. "Not to worry, I figured you'd forget, and I had the elf do it for you."

"Legolas...?" I asked, making a face.

"No, Haldir. He said he knew what stuff you usually wear and everything."

"Yeah, I bet he does", I muttered. I made a mental note to check the bags before I left, and then I resumed eating my breakfast.

**[ But** **that was just the start of things. After breakfast, I went upstairs and inspected the bags Haldir had made. Needless to say, I found all sorts of useless crap in there, starting with bikini and ending with my sister's rabbit-shoes, which I had no idea how they ended up there (and, as it turned out, neither did Haldir). But I don't think I mentioned the reason of my departure. You see, when your perfect, adorable, lovable, beautiful, etc. (not!) cousin from across the country gets married, it's a very important event, and therefore the whole family must gather. Joy... ]**

Later on, just when I was enjoying a well-deserved moment of peace and quiet (i.e., watching cartoons), Aragorn suddenly walked in.

"So, what time is this friend of yours coming?" he asked.

"Friend...?" I repeated, puzzled.

Oh, no!

Hish! The train! Today!

"Don't worry, I figured you'd forget, so I took care of everything", Aragorn said reassuringly.

I glared at him. "You know, you're getting really annoying when you're repeating yourself like that."

"Sorry."

"What do you mean by 'I took care of everything'?"

"Well, I sent Boromir to get her from the train station. With your mum's car."

"Oh, good, y--_with my mum's car?!_"

If there hadn't been for that little voice at the back of my head saying 'Mind your blood pressure! Anger is _not_ good for your health!' all over again, I swear I would've popped. "Why did you send that maniac?" I asked instead, as civil as I could.

Aragorn shrugged. "I would have gone myself, but he said that he knew her, so I left him do it."

I groaned. "How the heck can he know her? He's never seen her, talked to her or met her in his entire life!"

"Well..." Aragorn began, obviously taken aback. "He knows her name is Hish, he knows she's from Saudi Arabia, he knows she wears a sari..."

"She hates wearing saris", I interjected. "And anyway", I went on, my temper rising again, "what were you thinking when you gave him my mum's car? What if he crashes it?"

"He won't..."

"How can you be sure?"

"Well... I..."

I rolled my eyes. "You're incorrigible."

Aragorn hung his head shamefully.

"Pray to the Valar that he doesn't do anything stupid", I hissed. "Otherwise, I swear to God that I'll... err... I'll have you shave that beard of yours, I'll style your hair like a punker's, and I'll... err... okay, I'll think of something. Now get lost."

**[ I guess it's time for me to clarify certain things. First, since I couldn't trust the Fellowship on their own, I had to find someone reliable with whom I could let them for as long as I was gone. And second, since my very good friend Hish's birthday was just days away, I thought I'd give her the chance to spend some time with her fave heroes. ]**

Close to midday, just as I was close to losing it and beating Aragorn senseless with my mum's favorite mop, I heard a car pull up in front of our drive.

"Finally!" I yelled, jumping up and rushing outside.

However, the woman that came out of my mum's car didn't look the least like the Hish I was expecting to see. She seemed to be in her mid thirties, she wore a deep green sari and kept talking in a fast language I didn't understand at all.

"Here she is!" Boromir announced proudly, waving from the window.

I approached cautiously. "Umm... Hish?" I tried.

The avalanche of words I got in response were most definitely not friendly ones. Amongst them, I distinguished clearly the words 'Nishin' and something that sounded like 'confusion'.

"Boromir", I said, gritting my teeth, "that's not Hish."

"Why not?" Boromir asked innocently. "She wears a sari, she's probably from Saudi Arabia or somewhere around there, and--"

"Just take her back to where you took her from before you get sued for kidnapping. Or better still, give me the car keys, ask Aragorn for taxi money and take her back." As I spoke and Nishin (I suppose that was her name) glared, I practically dragged Boromir out of the car and I thrust the key into the contact.

"You can't drive!" Boromir said desperately. "You're underage!"

"So sue me", I answered calmly.

**[ And so I thrust the acceleration pedal to the floor, and in a matter of seconds I was cruising the streets at top speed. If I hurried, I could make it to the train station in about fifteen minutes or so. I was just hoping that Hish would stay out of trouble until then... ]**

_Author's note: This fanfic is dedicated to my dear friend and reviewer, Hishma! Happy Birthday, Hish! ...For the rest of you readers out there - do you like this? Or not? Please review! _


	2. Yours truly to the rescue

**Happy birthday, Hish!**

**by Odeena Skywalker**

Chapter 2: Yours truly to the rescue

**[ As I made my way towards the train station at top speed, deliberately ignoring any other cars on the street, Hish was having trouble of her own... ]**

Hish looked at her watch, and sighed. "Come on, Odeena..." she whispered to herself. "Where are you?"

"Can I help you, miss?"

She turned around and looked at the young and smiling policeman who had addressed her. "No, I'm just waiting for a friend."

"Oh. All right then. But I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to get off the platform."

Hish glared at him. "And where exactly should I go?" she asked.

The policeman's sweet (and I daresay, girlish) smile remained in place. "There's a waiting room just around the corner. I can help you carry your luggage, if you want."

She raised an eyebrow at him questioningly. "Do you expect me to pay for that?" she asked.

He kept on smiling, "Nope. It's all free for a pretty girl like you."

"Say what?"

Still smiling, he answered, "Well, you probably heard this a lot of times, but you're really pretty, and I must say - I like you. Hey, I know! How about I buy you a drink while we wait for your friend?"

"'We'?"

**[ Fortunately, at that moment, I finally showed up. I had been close to crashing at least twice, and I had a feeling the grumpy old man I had almost ran over would complain to the police as soon as he got the chance. When I saw the policeman that Hish was talking to, I instinctively swallowed hard. I must say, I was shaking a little when I addressed to him - ]**

"Hello, officer. Is anything the matter?"

To my surprise (or not), Hish looked utterly relieved to see me. "Um, no, I was just leaving."

"Indeed..." The policeman seemed a little taken aback by her apparent anxiety to get rid of him. "You must be the 'friend'."

"Yeah." I had no idea how he knew who I was, but I decided to take no chances. "Well, we'll be on our way then--"

"My name's Brad." He handed Hish a... pink?! ...calling card, and then he went away. Hish rolled her eyes.

"What was that all about?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Nothing." She smiled. "So, you must be Odeena."

"Yep. And you must be Hish."

"Right on."

We hugged, and then I said, "We'd better be on our way. Do you need help with that?" I asked, pointing to her suitcase.

"Well, it's not exactly heavy", she answered, "but I suppose I... Oh my Gosh! That's Figwit!"

"What? Where?" I whipped my head around just in time to catch a glimpse of a very confused-looking elf in a gray tweed suit. Wait... an elf in a gray tweed suit? Something was definitely wrong with this picture.

"Over here!" Hish shouted enthusiastically, waving her hand.

Figwit looked utterly puzzled at this, but he made his way towards us nonetheless. "Um, hello", he said when he got near. "Have you seen lord Elrond around?"

"Elrond...?" I repeated. "No, what would he be doing here?"

"He was supposed to wait for me."

A faint suspicion entered my mind. "Was he supposed to lead you to a coven house?" I asked, knowing that this is how Elrond reffered to our house.

"Yes."

I held out my hand. "Odeena Skywalker, owner of the house, at your service. Elrond won't be coming, so I suppose you'll have to stick with me and my friend Hish." I pointed to her, noticing the faint blush on her cheeks.

Figwit frowned a little, as if inquiring, 'What am I supposed to do?' I shook his hand, a gesture which seemed to surprise him, and then he said, "How can I know that this is not an attempt to kidnap me?"

I rolled my eyes. I took out my cellphone and gave it to him, "Here. Talk to Elrond and you'll see that I'm telling the truth."

Now he seemed really lost. "But this is not Elrond", he asked.

I burst out laughing. I couldn't help it. This guy had no idea of what modern 21th century life meant! When I calmed down enough, I called home. A very hyper-sounding Pippin answered.

"'Yello?"

"Pip, is Elrond there?"

"Who, E-Brow? Um, no, he just went out."

"sigh Did he leave any note as to where he was going?"

"Yeah, he said something about a train station..."

"Okay, thanks." I hung up. I was about to say something, but just then I caught a glimpse of the old man I mentioned earlier with two policemen, all three of them looking around. Uh-oh.

"Time to go", I said hurriedly, grabbing Hish's suitcase.

"But-" Figwit started.

"No 'but's, come on!" Hish grabbed his hand and practically dragged him outside. Just then, the old man saw us.

"There!" he shouted. "That's them!"

"RUN!" I yelled. We exited the station, and I pointed to my car. The policemen were right behind us. "Hurry!" I thrust the key into the contact and stepped on it. Only when the station was out of sight did I slow down a little and lean back with a sigh. Then I realized something was wrong.

Sure enough, Figwit was in the chair next to me, looking resigned. But Hish was nowhere to be seen.

"Oh no", I groaned. "Not again..."

_Author's note: __Chapter two up! What do you think? Please R&R! And the review responses are as follows:_

**_Filia Regalis_**: Thank you!

**_Omega XSabre_**: First, Smeagol doing yoga was just a random idea that popped in my head (go randomness!) Second, no, there will be no other authors featured in this story, sorry. And third, although she writes pretty well, Hish hasn't published anything yet. But she will - soon enough ;)

**_midnitest4rz_**: Thanks! About ASOD, I don't know... I sent the fourth chapter to Pyro, but she didn't answer yet... shrug

**_:) & Igor_: **Thanks... Hish! wink You keep those crazy reviews coming, they really brighten up my day!


	3. All's well that ends well

**Happy birthday, Hish!**

**by Odeena Skywalker**

Chapter 3: All's well that ends well... ?

**[ Just as I was about to sigh and say that everything was - finally - as it should be, I realized that, in my hurry to get away from the station, I had left Hish behind. What was more, judging from the looks Figwit gave me from time to time as I muttered stuff far too bad to be transcribed here, I could tell that the elf was getting more uncomfortable by the second. I had no idea what to do. On one hand, I couldn't return to the station, since I had no intention of risking a third encounter with the old man I mentioned earlier. On the other hand though, I most definitely couldn't leave Hish all alone and with that Brad guy lurking around. Until a very bright idea dawned on me. Or, so I thought... ]**

"What are you doing?" Figwit asked as I pulled over and stopped.

"Get out, we're taking a cab", I answered.

Figwit raised an eyebrow. "Cab...?"

"Yes, Figwit. A cab. Or a taxi. Call it whatever you will, but come on."

He shrugged and followed me as I stepped out of the car. Naturally, according to Murphy's Universal Laws, there was not a single cab in sight. I rolled my eyes.

"Well, elf, it looks like we'll have to walk", I said miserably. For once, I was wearing high-heeled shoes; the idea of walking back a quarter of mile was definitely _not _looking very appealing. I made a mental note to kill Arwen for suggesting that I should dress elegantly for my friend's arrival.

"If you say so..." Figwit muttered, looking utterly resigned.

"Good. Let's go."

**[ Meanwile, at the station... ]**

Hish sighed and slumped down on a bench outside the station. Once again, she was alone in this train station, in a foreign city from a foreign country. "This is not good", she muttered as she looked around, hoping to catch a glimpse of a familiar face.

"Hey there! What happened to your friend?"

Hish looked to her left, only to find Brad sitting there and looking at her in a sweet way that made her shudder despite herself. "Um", she answered, trying to find a smart answer. "She - um - remembered she left - something - I mean someone - at home - and - Elrond!"

"Elrond...?" Brad repeated, raising an eyebrow.

But Hish had already gotten up and was making her way towards the confused elf lord. "Boy, am I glad to see you!" she burst out even as she was some ten paces away. Seing that he gave no sign of recognition, she added, "I'm Hish. You know, Odeena's foreign friend? Please help me. I'm stalked by this guy and--"

"Enough", Elrond said, holding up a hand in that ceremonious fashion of his. "I understand." This line was emphasized by a very expressive movement of his eyebrows. As usual when he was talking to someone, his eyebrows were getting most of the other's attention.

Hish let out a small sigh. "Thank Goodness..." she muttered, while at the corner of her eye she watched Brad make a face and then disappear into the crowd.

"Have you any idea as to the whereabouts of Figwit?"

Hish started. "Well... um... yeah, he just left with Odeena. And, I'd be grateful if you could take me home now. I seriously need something to eat. And a shower. And a soft and warm bed."

"Very well. Come with me."

**[ And so, just as Figwit and I were entering on one side of the station, Elrond and Hish were getting out on the other. The only one we met was Brad, who very sulkily informed us that Hish had left with a - quote: 'Weird guy in drag with long hair and freaky eyebrows', unquote. It took that much for the both of us to recognize Elrond. And so, without much else, we decided to head home as well. ]**

_Author's note: __And here it is - the third chapter. What do you think? Please read and review! And sorry if my Notes are really brief, but I hardly have any time to write at all, so... The review responses are as follows:_

_**Lomea-Lingwiloce**_: Thank you! The reason I beat up Aragorn is because he's always in conflict with Boromir, and Boromir is my favorite character. I promise to be kind to him from now on :)

**_crazy llama lady_**: In the end, they will sing, don't worry. And I live for randomness, too! :)

**_Filia Regalis_**: Hope you didn't have to wait too long! :)

**_ApocalypticPyro:_ **Well, your meeting with this Scott person sounds really interesting! :) And your line... so cute and so funny! ideas spark as well


	4. The kidnapping

**Happy birthday, Hish!**

**by Odeena Skywalker**

Chapter 4: The kidnapping

** It seemed that this day was not going to be my day after all. As Figwit and I entered my home sweet home (not!), we were both greeted by a very sulky Elrond, who promptly informed us that Hish had been-- **

"--kidnapped", Elrond finished, looking at me miserably. "And - and - look what they did to my new robes!"

"You look like a true warrior now", Figwit said admiringly. "Your torn clothes, if anything, testify that what you said is true, down to the last sentence."

I rolled my eyes. My very best friend had been kidnapped, and these two had nothing better to do than to sit there and discuss about clothes! Just as I was about to burst into an avalanche of swears and curses that most definitely couldn't be rewritten here, Aragorn came out of the kitchen, with a bag of chips in each hand. When he saw us, he stopped short.

"What... happened?" he asked, raising an eyebrow just like Elrond usually did. The comparison made me smile a little despite myself.

"Hish was kidnapped, and al that this moron here--"

"I beg your pardon!"

"--as I was saying, all that this _moron_", I emphasized, ignoring Elrond's highly offended expression and Figwit's obvious confusion, "can think of is to complain about the state of his new robes!" My voice was gaining in intensity. "I can't believe it! I'm surrounded by... by..."

"Friends", Aragorn said quietly. "Let us help you."

I sighed and buried my face in my hands. "I hate the world", I muttered.

"There, there." Aragorn patted me on the back, "Calm down."

I sighed. Then, I turned to Elrond. "Who kidnapped her?" I asked tiredly.

"A mob", he answered immediately.

"A... mob?" I repeated, puzzled. "What do you mean, a mob?"

"Well--" Elrond shuddered "--there were about ten or twelve of them, both men and women, children, adults and elders... It was like they had gone mad all of a sudden. I was outnumbered. I couldn't do anything. They... they ruined my robes!"

"Oh, would you forget about your robes already!" I snapped. "Where did they take her?"

Elrond shrugged. "As if I'd know! What am I, psychic?"

"Wait just a minute", Aragorn cut in. "You mean to tell us that this mob attacked you and Hish out of the blue?"

"Yes", Elrond stated immediately.

"That's weird", I muttered. "Why would they--"

I was interrupted by the high-pitched ringing tone of my cell-phone. I shook my head as I took it out of my rucksack and saw who was the one calling.

"Hi, Paul", I said in a flat voice. "Bad time to call me. Go away."

'I just wanted to wish you a good trip', Paul said in the sweetest of voices, apparently not taking note of my obvious annoyance.

"Yeah, thanks a lot. Listen--"

'So where are you going?'

"I have no idea", I answered, and this was the plain truth, as I'd forgotten the name of the city just after I had heard it from my mum. "I really have to--"

'I hope you have a great time. After all, you deserve it. And I hope you'll think about me... from time to time... you know...'

"Yeah, I'll send you a postcard. Now get lost." I hung up unceremoniously and slapped my forehead, muttering, "Boys..."

"Is he still hopelessly in love with you?" Aragorn asked, tilting his head a little.

"Take a wild guess... Now, where were we?"

Both Elrond and Figwit opened their mouths to speak, but they were once again interrupted by the ringing of my cell-phone. This time, the caller's ID was hidden.

"Paul, I thought I told you to get l--"

'That's extremely sweet of you, Odeena, but I'm not Paul, I'm Hish.'

"Hish?" I practically cried out. "Oh my Gosh! Are you all right?"

'Well, I am, now...' Hish sighed. 'But you aren't going to believe what I went through.'

"Where are you?" I cut in.

'I... have absolutely no idea.'

"Lovely", I sighed under my breath. "Listen, what can you see around you?"

'Let's see... Trees... trees... and more trees. I think I'm in a forest of sorts...'

"I know it, it's just outside the city. But... how on Earth did you get there?" I asked, puzzled.

'It's a long, long story... Besides, my cell phone is running out of batteries.'

"Hold on, I'll send someone to get you right away. Or better still... I'm coming to get you myself", I said, glaring sideways at Elrond and Figwit.

'All righty, I'll hold... Just don't take too long, OK? Oh, and one more thing... Could you bring Figwit with you?'

I rolled my eyes. 'Do I have to...?' I asked myself inwardly. But instead of asking this pointless question, I said, "OK", and hung up. After that, I grabbed Figwit's hand.

"Come on, elf boy", I said, practically dragging him out the door and ignoring his half-astonished, half-scandalized questions.

"But where are we going?!" he shouted as I pushed him on the back seat of my car.

"Field trip", I answered briefly as I thrust the key into the contact.

_Author's note: Ta-daa! New chapter! Thanks for the ideas for this one, Hish! The review responses go as follows:_

_**midnitest4rz**: Thank you! And yep, stilettos are painful. But I thought I shouldn't be that cruel... :) _

_**Omega XSabre: **I've already posted 'Lifestyle' on timestreamer, but Moebius kinda forgot to put up the 18th chapter, or at least I suppose she did... Anyway, you can read it on my own site, at www.odeena.tk And although I risk being banned, let me say it with all my heart - is EVIL! _

_**Filia Regalis:** Giant Tweezers of Death? cracks up Girl, that is SO hilarious. Thanks for the idea! I'll most definitely use it in the next chapter! Oh, and 'The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers' will be updated next, so stay tuned! _

_**ApocalypticPyro: **Thank you very much! _


	5. Mischief managed

**Happy birthday, Hish!**

**by Odeena Skywalker**

Chapter 5: Mischief managed...

** As I sped towards the forest just outside my city, where I would hopefully find Hish at last, my thoughts raced as well. Time and again, I tried to figure out just _why_ a mob would attack my best friend and Elrond out of the blue. Strange enough, the only reason that came to my mind was Elrond's arrogance and probably his refuse to give all of them autographs. Similar situations had occurred before, usually with Glorfindel, Haldir or some other hot elf who plainly didn't understand the point of signing various bits of paper, t-shirts, baseball caps and so on. **

** On the other hand, Figwit was of very little help, seeming infinitely more interesting in making various comments about the people and places he saw out the window. For the first time ever, I wished that my car had shutters, and I made a mental note to myself to get some of those as soon as I had the chance... **

"I can't _believe_ that a woman would dress like that!" Figwit exclaimed as we passed by a very colorful punk girl. "Her outfit reminds me of a Uruk-Hai. Is she the servant of a Dark Lord?"

"I never heard of any band called 'Dark Lord', but if you want to, I can look it up..." I muttered in reply, my thoughts a hundred miles away from punkers and bands. "Listen, do you think--"

"And that man! What is that red... thing he is eating? Is it blood? He must be a vampire..."

"That's probably a cherry ice-cream bar, elf", I sighed, feeling my stomach tighten painfully in reminder that I hadn't eaten anything today save for a few pancakes in the morning. "And no, he's not a vampire. Could you possibly--"

"What a lovely tunic that man has! I've never seen one like that before! I must remember to--"

"_Figwit!_"

He started up and accidentally banged his head on the car ceiling. "What?" he grunted, rubbing the area where he had hit himself and looking utterly miserable. However, I couldn't care less. I pulled over, stretched and opened the door on his side. "Get. Out. Now."

He cocked an eyebrow, clearly surprised. "What...?"

"I said, get out now. Before I throw you out myself."

"But... you can't just leave me here!" His voice now ringed with alarm. "You can't!" he repeated, slightly louder as I gave him a shove.

"Of course I can", I replied as sweetly as I could. "You can just bore the crap out of the first passer-by you come across. I've had it."

"I'll be quiet..." he said meekly as understanding finally kicked in.

I looked at him suspiciously. "Cross your heart and hope to die?"

"What...?

"(sigh) Do you _promise_ you'll behave?"

He put his right hand on his chest, over his heart. "You have my word."

Incredible how corny these elves can be.

"Fine, elf", I muttered, closing the door. "But - one more _word_ that is off-topic, and I swear to the Valar that I'll dump you on the side of the road like a bag of doughnuts gone bad."

"What...?"

"Aw, never mind..."

** Eventually, we reached our destination, without any other notable incident save for ** **Figwit getting car-sick and a love message from Paul, which I wisely chose to ignore. Then, using Figwit's Extraordinary Elven Sight (EES for short) and my never-failing feminine instinct, we spotted a bundle wrapped up in a green sari which sat on a boulder some distance off the road. As you probably guessed by now, that bundle was my best friend, Hish. She was delighted to see us... **

"So, what happened?" I asked, after Hish was comfortably seated in the back of my car and we sped towards my home.

"Well... You aren't going to believe this."

"Try me."

"Okay..." Hish shifted in her seat, finding a more comfortable position. "Elrond must have told you that we were attacked by a mob on the way home."

"Yup, he said that... emphasizing on the fact that his new robes had been damaged beyond recovery." I snorted.

"That definitely sounds like something the Guy with the Magical Eyebrows and Funny Fashion Tastes would say." We both chuckled. "Anyway, as it turned out, this mob was part of some sort of a gypsy clan who thought that I was their long-lost daughter or something."

I choked. "You... _their_ long-lost daughter?"

"Yep, me. Can you believe it?"

I shook my head. "No", I said honestly.

"The took me to this camp outside the city, plainly ignoring the fact that I could barely understand what they were saying and I had absolutely no resemblance to any of them. They made me wear this... thing (Hish gestured to her sari, which was at least two numbers too big for her), and it took them a while to figure that I wasn't the one they were looking for. After that... well, they kinda just threw me out without any ceremony. You'd think they'd at least apologize after all the mess they've made..."

I sighed. "Some people are like that... But thank the Valar that it all ended well. Right?"

She smiled, "Yep."

"All righty then..." I grinned as an idea came to my mind. "Now, how about you sit back, relax and enjoy a brief tour of the city?"

"Sounds fun! One thing though..."

"Yes?"

"Could you stop by at a fast-food for a second? I haven't eaten in ages..."

"Sure. But before I do that..." I pulled over again and poked the elf. "Pretty please get in the back."

"But--"

I frowned a little, lowering one eyebrow slightly more than the other - another move I'd caught from Elrond. "Get. In. The. Back."

Simple and efficient. I grinned at the two, who were apparently doing their best to keep as far away from each other as possible. "My, what a lovely couple you two make", I said, winking at their puzzled expressions. "Now, do sit back and enjoy the tour. First stop - my favorite junk food place, _Fantastic Fast Food_!"

_Author's note: (yawns and stretches) It's 6:15 in the morning... and I'm very proud that I finally managed to finish this chapter. Again, credit for the ideas goes to my friend, Hish. I hope you liked it! The review responses go as follows:_

_**Eris aka midnitest4rz **: Well, believe it or not, Eris is one of my favorite goddesses from Greek mythology! But I prefer Athena... she's smart, pretty **and** kicks butt. However, mindless violence, chaos and destruction are good... And I use my classmates as punching bags too lol._

_**Filia Regalis:** Yup, you're right... I **should** focus on one or two stories. But I can't help it, these are just too much fun to write! Although it takes me a while to update now, seing as real life is a bugger... (sigh)_

_**RuThatCurious: ** I updated... Sorry for the wait. (blush)_


	6. Happy Birthday, Hish!

**Happy birthday, Hish!**

**by Odeena Skywalker**

Chapter 6: Happy Birthday, Hish!

** After a brief stop at _ Fantastic Fast Food_, I took Hish and a very gloomy-looking Figwit on a complete tour of the city. There wasn't really much to show, seeing as my city is pretty small; still, I found a few interesting places and buildings and did my best to offer the two a detailed description of each. Of course, the results weren't _that _bright... **

"And, to your left, you can see a weird statue that looks like half a rooster on a stick. That's a monument dedicated to the fallen heroes of World War Two. Also-"

"What does half a rooster have to do with World War two?" Figwit cut in, raising an eyebrow.

I shrugged, "How should I know?"

"Well, because you live in this city", he answered simply.

"Point", Hish interjected with a smirk.

"So you two are already ganging up on me..." I sighed. "Maybe they used to eat roosters in World War Two. Next off, we have that very interesting building on your right, which was supposed to be the local police headquarters until someone claimed it as an heritage left by some distant relative. It's pretty much deserted now."

"And why is this building important?"

I rolled my eyes. "Figwit, _ shut up_."

"But-"

"I said..."

"He was just curious, that's all", Hish cut in, taking Figwit's arm and cuddling closer to the elf. "It's not like it's a crime or something."

I sighed. "That elf is curious _all_ the time..."

** About an hour later, I pulled over in front of my house. If it hadn't been for Hish, Figwit would have been missing several locks of hair by then. However, seeing as my friend seemed to be very fond of the elf, the only thing I could do was to shoot death glares at him in the rearview. As we got out of the car, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong. I didn't have much time to ponder that though... **

"Nice house!" Hish said, grinning at me.

"_Madhouse_, more likely... Don't let the looks deceive you, Hish. That place is hell on Earth."

"With the entire Fellowship in there?" Hish shook her head, "I don't think so."

"Well, you'll see", I said prophetically. "Now..." I paused as the door of the house opened, and a very smug-looking Elrond, wearing - as I noticed - one of his festive robes, walked outside.

"I welcome to my humble home, friend", he said officially, bowing.

"It's _my_ home, thank you very much", I muttered under my breath. Elrond didn't seem to notice or care.

"Please, do come in", he continued, beckoning Hish towards the door. I turned to my friend. She was smiling broadly now, and took a step forward.

"Wait... I'm coming, too." I turned to Figwit, "Could you please help us with the luggage? Thanks!" As the elf opened his mouth to protest, I took Hish's arm and nudged her forward. I did my best not to giggle as we walked past Elrond. The elven lord bowed to us once again, and then hurried to open the door.

"Is he always so courteous?" Hish whispered into my ear.

"Not really..." I was going to say something else, but the sight that met my eyes as we entered the hall immediately made me forget about everything else.

All the Fellowship were gathered there. Arwen and Eowyn were wearing their best dresses and shooting death glares at each other. Merry, Pippin, Sam and Frodo looked simply adorable in their hobbit-ish suits. Boromir and Faramir were wearing their ceremony clothes, while Aragorn had put on his official 'King of Gondor' attire, as well as his would-be crown, which Boromir eyed wistuflly from time to time. The elves were dressed in their usual tunics, except for Haldir, who was wearing a very elegant robe. Finally, a fresh and clean Gollum was crouching in a corner and eyeing us curiously.

It didn't take me more than a second or two to take in all this. Before I could say anything, however, everyone started to sing their own version of 'Happy birthday!' Needless to say that nearly everyone was off-key, but that really wasn't the point. Hish was enchanted, and, as a result, so was I.

"This is too much..." she muttered between giggles as Haldir advanced and offered her a bunch of flowers. "Did you plan all this for me?"

I shook my head, "I had no idea about this."

"I planned it", Boromir shouted proudly, making his way towards us. "Welcome, kid! Oh, and happy birthday, by the way." He put a hand on his chest, above his heart. "And know that I, Boromir of Gondor, hereby give my word not to cause any mischief while you will be staying here."

"Don't believe him", I cut in. "He said that to me at least fifty times.

"I mean it this time!" Boromir said, looking offended. "And..." Suddenly, he stopped and scratched his head. "Um... what's the time?"

I raised an eyebrow, but I took out my cell phone and looked at the time. "Well, it's a few minutes to three thirty. Why?"

"What time does your train leave?"

"Train? What train?" I asked, puzzled.

The thought hit both of us at the same time. "Good god!" I shouted, causing everyone else around to stop what they were doing and glare at me. "The train! My cousin! I'm late!"

"I'll go get your luggage!" Boromir shouted, zooming up the stairs. "Get the car keys!" Suddenly, a loud crash came from upstairs, followed by an even louder curse. I grinned despite myself.

"Well, kid, I really have to go now", I said, turning towards Hish. "Sorry we didn't get to hang out much, but I think I already told you that my family is plain evil..." I elbowed her, "You take care of these guys, OK?"

She grinned and took two fingers at her right brow in a mock salute, "Aye. You take care, too."

Just then, Boromir came rushing down the stairs, with a suitcase in each hand and my backpack dangling on a shoulder. "I think I got everything", he panted. "Got the keys?"

"Here", I said, ringing the small bundle of keys under his nose.

"Well then, what are you waiting for? C'mon!" With that, Boromir rushed outside.

"Are you really going to trust _him_ to drive?" Hish asked, raising an eyebrow.

I giggled, "Of course not. After all, I still got the keys, right?" I shook her hand vigorously. "All right then... good luck with these loons, and I'll be seeing you... soon."

We shook hands, and then I waved to the other guys and ran outside. I looked at my cell phone watch again. Boromir and I had precisely seven minutes to get to the station. My luggage was crammed in the back of the car, and I thanked whatever gods were up there that I didn't have anything fragile in it, or else it would have been in pieces by now. Boromir was already installed in the driver's seat, and this time I didn't have time to argue about it. I got in the car, slammed the door and thrust him the keys, "Step on it".

Boromir winked at me as he thrust the key into the contact. "Did you fasten your seatbelt?"

"Working on it..." I muttered.

"All right then. Hold tight!" His last words were covered by a loud tire screech as the car jerked forward.

I sighed and I rolled my eyes. At that moment, the only thing I was praying for was that we made it to the train station in one piece...

** Think this is where the story ends? Well, think again! There's still one little story left to be told in the next and final chapter! Stay tuned! **

_Author's note: Sorry I'm a little late with the update again... school contests are eating up nearly all my free time these days. As always, I hope you liked this chapter. __ Please review! And the review responses go as follows:_

_**ApocalypticPyro **_- Yup, I'm alive... I think... (cough) Although if I keep it up working 24/7 like I do now, I'll be brain dead pretty soon... :P

_**Eris **_- Well, I updated... Hope I didn't take that long, so you didn't have to tear your hair out waiting :)

_**Manwathiel **_- Thankies:)


	7. Epilogue

**Happy birthday, Hish!**

**by Odeena Skywalker**

Epilogue

** And so, I left home - leaving both the Fellowship of the Ring and my best friend behind. Even though I trusted that Hish would keep things from getting too nasty, I was still worried about all this, and secretly I prayed that the house would still be standing when I got back. **

** I won't bore you with the details of my (very) long and (extremely) annoying trip to my cousin's, nor with those of the 'warm' welcome I had to endure - a welcome which included pinched cheeks, loud smooches and bear-crushing hugs. Several days later, as I accessed my e-mail account, I found a long letter from Hish. It went like this: **

_Dear Odeena,_

_Frankly, I have no idea what I've gotten myself into (or rather, what _you_'ve gotten myself into :P), but I must say I like it so far! Now I see why you said that living with the Fellowship was the same as being a permanent resident in a madhouse. These past few days have been hysteria! _

_On the first day, Arwen, Eowyn and Boromir decided to bake me a birthday cake. Imagine those three working together for a change... Anyway, it didn't end so good... well, to be honest, it ended quite badly, with everyone covered in flour and broth and half the kitchen devastated. Fortunately, Gandalf and Saruman were there to take care of the mess, although they kinda blew up a wall when their 'magical beams' or something accidentally crossed in the air. I'm having Aragorn, Boromir and Faramir rebuilding it as we speak (well, actually, as I type :D), while Elrond supervises them... And wheezes his eyebrows, too. Talk about weird..._

_Speaking of Elrond, did you know he sings in the shower? I had no idea he did that until Haldir told me all about it the other day. Elrond always said it was the radio or something, but I think not even Britney Spears could sound _that_ bad... But don't tell him I said that ;)_

_By the way, did you blackmail Haldir and Figwit to be my personal slaves or something? Because they're giving me so much attention they're starting to freak me out! Yesterday morning, Haldir asked me if he could carry me downstairs so my feet won't get tired, and Figwit sang for me all throughout the meal! Well... actually, just until Arwen whacked him over the head with a frying pan, but that's not the point here._

_I didn't see the hobbits around these days. Merry told me that they were building some sort of a secret tree house in the back yard. What I don't get is: 1 - how come it's a 'secret' tree house, when everybody else knows about it? And 2 - weren't hobbits supposed to be scared of heights? (Although come to think of it, hobbits are scared of pretty much everything :))._

_And then, there's Legolas. There's not much I can write about him... Most of the time, he just sits in a corner with a blank look on his face. I think he misses you a lot..._

_Apart from that, things are pretty much normal. Boromir keeps playing pranks on everyone (when he's not working on the wall, that is), Faramir is stalking Eowyn (even though she doesn't seem to notice or care), Gollum lurks in any dark corner he can find (including your closet - I couldn't keep him from it, sorry...), and Paul came looking for you several times, until Saruman accidentally (?) set his hair on fire. I haven't seen him ever since..._

_...And that's about that. Now, it's time I click 'Send' before anyone gets a bright idea, like pulling the plug on my computer... Hope you're having at least half as much fun as I'm having here!_

_Love,  
Hish_

** In other words, all's well that ends well, as the saying goes... Of course, I still had my cousin's wedding to look forward to (not!), but at least now I knew that everything was OK back home. **

** Or... something like that, anyway :) **

** And... that's about that. **

** The End **

_Author's Note: takes a deep breath Well - this is it! The very last chapter of this 'fic. I hope you like it! As always, please R&R! As for the review responses - many thanks go to **Manwathiel **and ** Laer4572** for their lovely comments. G'bye! (For now, anyway... :P)._


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